a community for young Christian women

A hope deferred makes the heart sick,

but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 12:13

Becoming who God Created you to be

What do you really need? Christians know that what we need more than anything is to be saved from our sin. We need to accept the gift of salvation freely offered by God through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. If we don’t have that, then it doesn’t really matter if we have anything else because we are condemned to death regardless. However, our reliance on God is not a magic wand that instantly takes away all our problems. 

You can be a Christian and struggle with homelessness, illness, finances, addictions, family/friend issues, mental health, and more. There will even be spiritual struggles for those who are saved by His grace. How do we overcome these issues, so we can live a full life of worship and service to God?

A Map to Fulfilling our Dreams

In 1943, American psychologist Abraham Maslow published his research on the hierarchy of human needs. His research is still regarded today as groundbreaking in terms of what human beings need in order to reach peak levels of performance. It’s something of a roadmap to fulfillment. His hierarchy is a brilliant guide, but it is missing a few pieces that the Bible can help fill in. That’s the beauty of the Bible – those with a biblical worldview can see how it works with science to create a full view of God’s creation. Yes, the human psyche is God’s creation. So, by using the Bible combined with Maslow’s roadmap, we can live full lives of worship and service. 

Spiritual Needs – A Firm Foundation

This isn’t one of the levels that Maslow built into his research, but it’s the most essential layer – a firm foundation. Only with a firm sense of who God is and who we are in relation to Him can He guide us on our path to that dream fulfilled life we crave. 

Now, I won’t say I’ve reached the top of the pyramid, but I’m much higher on the climb than I was. About five years ago, just prior to the pandemic, I was in a bad place. I was exhausted, anxious, depressed, physically ill, and feeling overall worthless and overwhelmed. I was in a job that wasn’t a good fit for me, my husband was deployed, and I was dealing with multiple different health issues, some I was actively pursuing treatment for and others that I was actively ignoring. Near the end of 2019, I decided to start going to church with my daughter. We hadn’t been since before my husband deployed and had left a church due to negative experiences. The sermon I heard that day forever changed me. The pastor spoke about whether we were truly born again Christians or if we had a more second-hand faith from our parents, or even third-hand from our grandparents. I knew my faith was a shadow, a mere whisper, of the life-altering faith of my grandfather. I was what Paul calls in Corinthians “saved as through fire.” 

I wish I could say I immediately went home and stormed the gates of heaven to demand my own miracle, but I didn’t. I only started going to church every week – which was an important first step, but my priorities were still way out of order.  In 2021, when I did finally open my Bible and storm the gates of heaven, I received that life-altering faith and began my spiritual journey toward a Spirit-fulfilled life. I finally had a firm foundation. So if your personal faith is more of family value than a daily life-changing experience, I urge you to open your Bible and find your miracle before you worry about anything else. 

Physical Needs

Once you have accepted Jesus and begun your abiding relationship with Him, then you can think about the next step in your roadmap. Physical needs are things like air, food, shelter, water, and sleep. I believe that most of you reading this are not lacking in air or probably water, but some of you may be hungry and struggling with a safe place to sleep at night. If that is you, then know that I am praying for you daily. Your faith and the faith of others will be the driving force that will lead you to a hot meal and a warm bed. For all of us, these needs must be met before we can worry about anything else. Always trust in God to provide for these daily needs. Those of us who are blessed with an abundance of food, water, and shelter need to be grateful for those blessings and share with those around us in need. 

Safety Needs

If we have breath in our lungs, food in our stomachs, and a roof over our heads, then we are able to think about our long-term security beyond our immediate physiological needs. Safety needs generally include our health and financial security. In this model, financial security doesn’t mean that you make a six-figure income, have 6 months of expenses saved, and an investment portfolio. It does mean that you are secure in consistently having a roof over your head, electricity and running water, food on the table, and a reliable means of transportation. You can provide this for yourself or someone can provide it for you – the important part is that you have it. I gratefully admit that financial security has never been a major issue for me. That’s not to say that I’m wealthy, but my parents provided well for me until I was able to provide for myself, and my husband and I have always been able to provide the necessities for our family. However, I am very aware that this isn’t the case for everyone. If financial security is a paramount concern, then let everyone involved in the process of helping you get there – social security and unemployment agencies – see the love of Christ flow through you in your interactions with them.

While I haven’t personally dealt with extreme financial trouble, I have had health concerns that went unaddressed for far too long while I was trying to reach for goals higher on the ladder or actively ignoring the problems.. I was diagnosed with juvenile arthritis at age 3 and was treated until around age ten or eleven. After that, I received no treatment until I was 34. Arthritis is an autoimmune disorder, which essentially means that my body’s immune system attacks itself. By ignoring the disease, I allowed my immune system to wreak havoc on my body with pain, fatigue, and potentially attacking organs as well. Other conditions I have, such as polycystic ovarian syndrome (causing infertility), are linked with juvenile arthritis. I also ignored my mental health in pursuit of other goals, which contributed to becoming obese and developing obesity-related disorders such as hypertension and sleep apnea. Long story short – do not ignore your health! No matter how tired you are, no matter how hard it is to navigate the world of healthcare – just do it. Get to know how your health insurance works and get to the doctor. See a mental health therapist or coach. Your body and mind will thank you for it! It also doesn’t hurt to eat a vegetable or two and go for a walk occasionally. I can tell you from experience that you’ll be so much better equipped to live a full life in Christ when your body and mind are working well.  

Love and Belonging

If you are secure in your physical, financial, and health needs, then it is time to consider your needs for love and belonging. This is the time to address your issues with your family, find a workplace where you feel respected and included, join the small groups at church, and get on that dating site if you want to. Prayerfully consider all the decisions you make regarding the social connections you choose to repair or build. Continuing to work with a Christian therapist or life coach at this stage will help you build and sustain meaningful connections that will benefit your walk with God. Please be mindful about trying to jump into this part of your journey too soon. I know that I desperately craved intimacy before I was concerned for my physical health. Pursuing higher education and establishing a fulfilling career were also far too high on my priority list. In pursuit of these things, I degraded my spiritual, mental, and physical health to the point that I was barely functional. For everything there is a season, and the season for finding your husband or your dream job is after the season where you are secure financially and in your health. 

Esteem Needs

This is the area many of us want to jump into very quickly. This is the boyfriend or husband we share an unconditional love with. It’s the dream career we envisioned as children. It’s becoming the president of our sorority or leading a class at vacation bible school for your church. Maybe it’s getting into your first choice of college or going to graduate school. This area gives us a sense of accomplishment and builds our self-esteem. These aren’t bad things, but they aren’t the first things we should be looking to do with our lives. We need to build our spiritual, physical, mental, and social health first, so we have everything we need to begin these journeys. If you don’t have those foundations under you, then you won’t be able to sustain or enjoy these accomplishments. For me, I was desperately seeking intimacy and my dream career before I had any kind of foundation underneath. I got married, had a baby, and started grad school all in the same year – all without a true foundation in Jesus, ignoring or denying my physical and mental health problems, and almost no social connections. I barely made it through school, my marriage almost imploded, and post-partum depression hit hard. If I had paid attention to my more basic needs first, maybe I could have avoided some of those catastrophes. 

If you do feel ready to start working on these esteem needs, working with a therapist or coach to help you set and meet goals can really make a difference. This is the time when you can get really excited about serving the Lord!

Self-Actualization

This is the top of the pyramid! You’re achieving your full potential for Christ’s kingdom! You’re fulfilling your creative needs and fulfilling the call to serve others. Maslow said that not everyone will reach this point. However, all things are possible with God! Trust Him and follow the roadmap to caring for yourself, and I believe God will bring you to this point. 

A Final Thought

I know that’s a lot of info, but I also hope it gives you some insight into where you can begin your journey to fulfilling your God-given dreams. Wherever you are, decide on one step you can take to put yourself on the right path. Go to that job interview that’s not your dream job but will pay the bills. Call your insurance company or visit their website and find out if they cover counseling services. Go to that small group meeting you’ve been intending to join but have been too scared. Start wherever you need to. God will be with you through it all. 

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